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hat a glorious few weeks of family time we had over the holidays! We hosted friends and family Christmas Eve for church, along with traditional “Advent Book” reading and Chicken Pot Pie dinner. Christmas day we played games, watched movies, took walks, ate too much.
We also had the abundant blessing of skiing/boarding in the mountains of Colorado between Christmas and New Year’s. With our son home from college, it was a wonderful time of reconnecting with our nuclear family. Just the 5 of us – playing games, conversing on the chairlift, teaching each other on the slopes, quoting parents on Twitter (for maximum likes and retweets), watching our Badgers win their Bowl Game and lots of great crock pot meals after a long day on the mountain. (All hail the Crock pot!)
Family time has always been sacred to me. But it doesn’t just happen. You have to work at it, especially as your kids get older.
As the New Year begins, instead of making goals that will fade away within a few weeks, consider setting some goals of regular family time.
How to cultivate intentional time with your kids
FFT- aka Forced Family Time
In parenting teens especially, there is one phrase I want to throw from the top of the mountain never to be heard again: “Well they’re teenagers, they don’t want to be with us, they want to be with their friends.”
This statement is entirely true. Most kids want to be with their friends, and not their parents. HOWEVER, let’s remember:
You are the Parents. You make the Rules. End. of. Story.
I know, I know. You will die on your sword giving me every stinking excuse in the book why your teenager, middle schooler or grade schooler is different. But I’m telling you, start early, or start now. But whatever you do, start.
Make regular mandatory family time (or FFT) a priority.
Begin by instituting events your children must do with you. No choice in the matter. For example, movie night, game night, sunday brunch, serving opportunities, shopping, weekend activities (sledding, skiing, hiking, sailing, beach going, biking, running, walking, anything goes!)
And before you falsely assume my kids are somehow different than yours, I will tell you, we have lived through our fair share of the complaining, maddening, negative, tantrum-like attitudes.
But please don’t quit even when it’s hard!
When you cultivate togetherness, even if it’s forced at the beginning (or for a long time) they will respect the boundaries you’ve set. When they know they can’t talk their way out of it, they will relent. (Seen it a thousand times… stand firm dear parent, stand firm.)
But like everything else in life, you must practice FFT regularly, not just once a year. If it’s not routine, it will be a chore to them, (and you!) not a pleasure.
If you maintain consistent FFT, you will see the fruit, I promise.
There will come a day you will sit at a table with your 3 teenagers thinking there is no where on Earth you’d rather be than playing Settler’s of Catan with these people. (Gasp. It’s true. This joy can be yours someday!)
DDT- aka Do Dinners Together
For our family, dinner separately is the exception not the rule. Even with a traveling husband for 23 years, when he’s gone, most nights, I’m still sitting with my kids at dinner. (ok, it might be chicken nuggets at the counter, but we’re sitting down eating all at the same time.)
I know, I know. Again, you will die on your sword telling me it’s impossible to eat together as a family regularly because of your children’s schedules, work schedules, or traveling schedules.
Let me remind you: You are the Parents. You make the Rules. End. of. Story.
If you want a solid family unit, who love each other, stand beside each other, interact with each other, support each other – this does not happen by accident. Or without hard work.
It happens with intentional planning, sacrifice and the word No. Parents get to decide how many nights a week your kids are involved in activities. If they are scheduled every single night and you never eat dinner all together- I suggest you reconsider your schedule and priorities.
My kids have always been involved in sports and activities, but if things got too crazy, we took something out of the schedule.
My teenage girls dance 4 nights a week, are involved in church activities and one has a job. My husband and I both travel. We achieve 3-4 nights/week with all 4 of us at the dinner table. It can be done.
There are always exceptions, and seasons that will change this, but it is a worthwhile goal to strive for as the rule, not the exception!
As a parent you have influence no one else does. It’s up to you to use it to grow loving, healthy kids.
I’m with you dear parent, cheering you on to FFT and DDT, and a healthy family for years to come.
[reminder]What ways do you create strong family connection? (please give age of your kids for reference)[/reminder]