For over a decade, I have fought against the notion that I’m not good enough. As a stay at home Mom, and wannabe author and very part-time speaker, if you named it, I felt like I didn’t have it— experience, graduate education, know-how, accolades, awards, degrees. As a woman in the Christian Speaking World, what I hear in my head is: “I don’t have an MDiv, Seminary degree or Pastor title, and I’ve never even written a book, so who would listen to me?” (If you’ve ever had to write a bio for yourself, you might know the feeling.)
I have admitted this struggle of identity before God countless times, and each time I hear something like: “I don’t love you for what you do, I love you for who you are. And as My Child you are enough. I choose you.” My husband says something similar, “Jesus’ disciples didn’t come from the synagogues or have fancy “degrees”, he chose the least— fisherman, tax collectors, tentmakers—to be the greatest.
I try to walk in this truth, not the lies. But oh, how hard this is some days.
I know that I am following my calling, in God’s timing, in just the way I ought to be (I never felt called to become a Pastor or go to Seminary.) I know that I’ve been faithful with the few. I know I’ve learned invaluable lessons in the trenches of volunteering, coaching for next to nothing, speaking to small audiences when it fit my family’s schedule, raising my babies, loving my neighbor, serving my church family and empowering my husband to have a successful career.
I know that WHO I am is what matters. Yet, the world constantly speaks a different truth over me. Yes, I know better, but I still struggle to believe it. (Anyone with me?)
So because I wasn’t getting the message, God sent me a Jewish Rabbi disguised as a Media Guru to speak this truth to me.
Last week I attended a media training taught by Joel Roberts, a former radio show host on KABC in Los Angeles who logged over 5,000 hours behind the microphone in the 4-7 p.m. prime drive time slot. He is a master interviewer who created a media training to teach people to communicate their message better in mainstream media. (In my case, it’s my book Alongside to be released Feb. 14, 2017)
Joel is a devout Jew, proficient in both Hebrew and all things media. Talmud in hand, Yamaka on head, a few mornings he preached us some powerful “sermons.” Not even 30 minutes into day one, I was cut to the core.
He read from Deuteronomy 34, which is the passage where God shows Moses the Promised Land, but then says, “but you will not cross over into it.” God then declares Joshua as the next leader of the Israelites. In Joshua 1, God says, “As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you. Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their ancestors to give them.”
Joshua, an aide to Moses, was a reluctant leader with little to no credentials. (Same as Moses.) Except he was chosen by God. (Isn’t that enough?) Joshua had been faithful. (After scouting the Promised Land he was one of only two who said let’s do this!) And God promised to equip him with everything he needed to accomplish the task before him.
Joshua might not have felt ready, equipped or properly trained to lead the Israelites. But when God said go, he went. And not only did he lead God’s chosen people into the Promised Land, he also became a great leader.
Here are some of the lessons Joel drew out of those passages as they applied to us,
- “Get out of your own way.”
- “Don’t stand in God’s way of your purpose.”
- “Rise up.”
- “Humility is not the denial of your gifts. It’s acknowledging the source of your gifts and using them fully.”
And finally,”Rabbi Joel” asked,
“For what is it your time now?”
I don’t know if these words touch you as deeply as they did me, or if you share my same struggle of feeling like you’re not enough. But wow. Just wow.
For what is it my time?
It’s time to stop believing the lie. To stop comparing, hiding or excusing. To stop living in fear.
It’s time to rise up and use the gifts. To start walking the path God has called me to with my head held high. It’s time to trust his calling, and that he will equip me for the tasks at hand.
It’s time to believe. I am enough. And so are you.
Question: What holds you back from God’s plans for your future? Do you ever feel like you’re not good enough? You can leave a comment by clicking here.