About 5 years ago I experienced a great fall.
I had attended a speaking conference, and in the process of learning this method to deliver clear and powerful messages, I was invited back to train as a small group coach. Let me clarify: this coaching job was not for the faint of heart. But after a year of praying, testing and practicing the method on my own I arrived for my week-long training.
And I fell.
What I mean is I didn’t “pass”, and not only that, I didn’t have the mastery of the content I thought I did. When I fell off the horse, it really hurt.
So much so, I didn’t want to get back on. But my wounded pride urged me on to a second round of training; no one would think I wasn’t good enough for this job! (not a good motivation I will just add…) And with plane ticket purchased, my intense need to validate my worth (and credential as a speaker) drove me, despite my equally intense anxiety and fear of failure.
Then, with 3 weeks till take-off, I fell a second time.
I had been experiencing significant back and leg pain for weeks, and my doctors informed me I needed to have spinal fusion. After I peeled myself off the floor from the puddle of tears, I thought to myself, “Well I guess I have a legitimate excuse not to go back to training again. Whew! Now no one will say I quit.”
The irony of this “fall” was I considered this one a gift from God. I was grateful for a major surgery and 3 months of painful recovery??? Yep. Because then I didn’t need to subject myself to critique or failure a second time. It was a closed door. And I breathed a HUGE sigh of relief.
Those months were some of the hardest of my life to date, but God not only mended my back, he mended my heart. He also began to reveal to me my significant worth in his eyes, no matter what “job” I had or didn’t have. And that was the beauty amidst the pain.
After that I decided not to train again, since my family and ministry filled my plate to overflowing. But, I couldn’t help myself from sharing the method with pastors at church, friends in ministry and anyone else who would listen.
5 years later…
A dear friend asked me to consider training again for this organization. I was filled with mixed emotions – fear, flattery and uncertainty. It hurt so much last time. Was it worth it to expose myself to that again? What if I can’t do it?
But as he does, God kept prodding me, “Get back on the horse. I taught you how to do this, and now it’s time to ride full out.”
I just returned home from the most satisfying 4 days I’ve spent in a long time. Helping people learn how to be more effective communicators is a gift – and one I’m thrilled to have the opportunity to keep doing. And because my heart was in the right place, I thrived.
I can confidently say, it was worth getting back on the horse because of 3 lessons I learned:
When we let pride rule our hearts we will always fall.
When we use our gifts for God’s purpose it changes others.
When we rely on God and not our own abilities we are set free.
The fall is always worth it… if we let it shape us, not stop us.
“Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.” Proverbs 16:18