I think I’m still in mourning.
Mourning my life in Minnesota, that is.
I miss my friends, my old routes, my house, my street, my neighbors, my comfort. I know “it’s going to be Okay!” but I have to admit I’m feeling this way. (I feel a song coming on.)
I walk the dog alone. I write in my new house alone. I drive on unfamiliar streets trying to find my way alone. I unpack the boxes and get organized alone. I try to decide where to hang the pictures alone.
Now don’t get me wrong, I love the amazing family time we’ve had, and the wonderful bonding for our family. And I’ve had help from hubby and kids with plenty of things. But as a person who loves people – I often feel ALONE these days. The kids have school, activities and sports. Hubby has his new job, co-workers to eat lunch with and traveling to do.
I have me. Myself. and I.
Now before you go feeling sorry for me, please understand: Even if I’m sad, doesn’t mean I doubt. This is exactly where I need to be.
I am still mourning the demands on my time, but it’s a good kind of mourning. I think I needed to “put to death” the overextended, busy, loved-to-be-needed person I was and get back to the basics: what God wants me to do with my days again. It needs to be this way, even if it’s uncomfortable for me in the ALONE.
It’s just he and I, and that’s ok.
And my family needs me. They are the ones who paid the price when I was tapped out, whether or not it was for “good” causes. Too much of a good thing CAN BE TOO MUCH.
So for now, I’m trying to “Be Still” more in these quiet days. And I’m putting Sarah’s agenda on the back burner (WOW! that’s hard to do) as I try to serve those who need me the most – my family.
The good news: Even when I want to scream from the rooftops, “I MISS MY OLD LIFE!” God has this. He is “sufficient for me in my weakness.”
(And at least I have a mountain view from that rooftop.)