It was a Tuesday night. I had just pulled into the Walgreen’s parking lot to get a few last minute items for stockings and travel. Sitting in my car a moment facing the multiple lanes of traffic on the busy street, I downed my drive-thru soup as I itemized my shopping list.
So much to do. So little time.
It was between bites that I saw it. My running car’s headlights were practically a spot light on the stalled blue mini van in the left hand turn lane. The ensuing events unfolded before my eyes like a TV drama. Only this was REAL.
Four or five kids in the back seats getting antsy, most likely hollering, “Dad what happened to the car!?” A Mom in the passenger seat trying to stay calm, putting her hair up in a ponytail and putting on lip gloss in the visor mirror. The Father in the driver’s seat dropping his head against the steering wheel.
Maybe uttering a silent prayer. Maybe uttering unspeakable words.
He tried the ignition again. I saw his visible frustration. Meanwhile, 5:30 rush hour delivered its opinion through the honking horns of cars lining up behind him. Perhaps only 2 minutes had gone by, but to me it was an eternity.
I instantly thought of the $50 bill in my wallet – an anomaly to be sure – only there because I had just been paid back by my child for an online purchase. 
You see, I had vowed I’d “be available” this Christmas Season.
I had told God I’d be His “Go-To Girl.” I had said I was willing to be His Light in any dark situation. Not only that, I had written about it in my newsletter, imploring my readers to do the same.
But there I sat. Frozen by societal norms and social graces.
I knew I should deliver the cash to that family, in case they needed a tow truck, or just a few Christmas gifts.
But was I to traverse 3 lanes of rush hour traffic in the dark and knock on their car window and just hand it over? Honestly, I’d likely be hit by a car en route.
In the safety and warmth of my running car, I took another bite from my styrofoam bowl, as I held that 50 bucks hostage to my fear.
Stalled mini-van Father had just opened the hood and was checking the oil, (after all what else are we to do when the car won’t start?) when the gentleman from the car behind him got out and joined him under the hood. As I watched them talk things over I knew my opportunity to be a “first-responder” was gone. And so was my soup.
That’s when I finally got out of my car.
And walked away from my chance to be used by God in a small, Christmas miracle sorta way.
From inside the store I heard the sirens. I offered an “arrow prayer”, asking God to forgive me for not listening. I vowed not to make the same mistake again. I even thought maybe they’d be still outside when I was finished and then I could give them the money.
But when I walked out 15 minutes later, there was no evidence of blue mini van or its needy family. No police cars, no tow trucks. All that was left was a busy intersection and my disobedient heart.
I wish I could wrap up this story with the bow of my Redemption. But I cannot.
That night, I was the Innkeeper in Bethlehem, saying “NO” to an holy opportunity. And all that after saying I’d never be so heartless as he. Vowing to Make Room. Vowing to Be Available. Yet, failing in my own human weaknesses.
But I haven’t given up. With 5 days till my Savior’s Birthday, I’m praying God will give me another chance.
I’ve got a $50 bill in my wallet, and next time I won’t be afraid to use it.
How about you? Will you be obedient to God’s call to serve others this Christmas in whatever form that takes?