Yesterday I spoke to a few dozen women in a room filled with baby coos and cries, car seats, homemade potluck treats and wide eyes. You might have already guessed – it was a MOPS (Moms of Pre-Schoolers) group. But why the wide eyes?
Because we talked about sex.
Among other things, of course.
The topic was “SAFEguarding your Marriage 2.0”, and in the acronym SAFE, the “S” stands for “Have Regular Sex.” Because we know many a woman who has those days (which can turn into weeks, months, or hopefully not, years) she just “doesn’t want to”. Right?
I’ve been there.
I’m no Dr. Ruth, but I have been happily married over 20 years. And I’ve learned a few things along the way – from personal experience, hearing people’s struggles, doing Bible studies and reading books and articles.
photo courtesy of sxc.hu @ atroszko
MORE SEX = HAPPIER MARRIAGE
I know the guys will like this, but seriously, even the Wall Street Journal is talking about it. A recent article claims, “Numerous studies show sex is beneficial for a marriage. Couples who have more sex are happier.”
Which begs the question: How can we stir up the passion in the marital bed if things have gone cold?
Here are a few ideas that might serve as a reminder, or wake up call, and help you have a better married sex life.
Experience new activities together.
The same Wall Street Journal article says, “Research suggests a way to ignite the fire is simply to try something new together. Whether it’s a new restaurant, vacation spot or hobby, any kind of novelty drives up dopamine levels in the brain—the same thing that happens when you fall in love. Even if these experiences aren’t sexual, they may trigger passion.”
I have found that when my hubby and I do something new, fun or unique, just the pure connection of our time together adds a spark that wasn’t there when we were sitting at home watching TV. Get out of the routine and you’ll see that it changes your perspective.
Try flirting again.
One husband said, “Men want to flirt with their wives. It’s nice when they send texts, emails or talk to you through the day. No matter how many years you’ve been married, you still want to feel the thrill of dating.”
Another truth you can be sure of: Men are visual, and women are relational.
Flirting helps build connection even when you’re not with each other throughout the day. It also makes you more willing to let your man ogle you in your workout clothes (or an even more expressive gesture) when he comes home from work – instead of shunning him. Enjoy the moment, and his admiration, and be sure to verbally express your anticipation for what might come later…when you’re not busy cooking dinner!
Make time away together a priority.
If you’re anything like me, it’s hard to get in the mood when the laundry is piled up, the kitchen’s a mess and the kids need attention. Going away somewhere, even for just 1 night somewhere local, allows you to break the routine and you will definitely be more inclined toward sex if you’re away from your “day job”. Additionally, time away re-connecting often has residual effects even after you return home.
Going away alone together is worth any sacrifice of time or money you need to make for this to happen.
Not to mention how important it is to put the focus on your spouse and marriage, not just your children! Our culture has become so “child-centered” that it has resulted in many dried up marriages. This is evidenced in record divorce rates of Christians and non-Christians alike.
Putting regular sex back in your marriage will produce lasting results – and your marriage is worth it! And both you and your spouse will be happier.
Interested in more information on this topic? Perhaps these amazing resources will inspire and educate you further.
“Creative Counterpart”, by Linda Dillow
“Intimate Issues”, by Linda Dillow
“Song of Songs”, The Bible
“Capture His Heart”, by Lysa TerKeurst
www.authenticintimacy.com
For the purpose of this post, I’ve made a basic assumption that there is no extenuating circumstances, abuse or deep-seated issues in the marital bed. If you are having serious issues, I pray you will seek out a Christian counselor or Pastor.