I was filled with fear as I clasped the tray of sliced cheese with my sweaty palms and stepped out of the car into the sea of faces veiled with billowing smoke pouring from charcoal grills. The concrete was hot, the surroundings were foreign and I silently cursed my momentary lack of judgment when I clicked yes on that blasted sign-up genius.
Ever been there? When you don’t know a soul, feel completely out of place and want to run for the hills?
photo courtesy of sxc.hu @tome213
I won’t soon forget it. And I think even the most confident among us would admit – it’s hard being the “new guy.”
But I had a choice to make. Would I stay home and keep my cheese tray in the fridge – along with my vulnerable emotions – or would I step out in faith and try?
I was relieved almost immediately when I asked one Mom, “Where do I put my cheese?”
She laughed and said, “I have no idea either, but I think we could get this table organized and find a spot.”
My hot cheese on the concrete moment was almost 2 years ago, and that stranger has become a treasured friend.
Recently a friend whose family moved away to a different state told me she resonated with the post I wrote about loving your new neighbor. She has been there for 6 months and still hasn’t received any social invitations on the weekend. I get it.
I urge you to read that post so you can be a “good neighbor” yourself, but I also believe each of us are responsible to make the best of our situation and not rely on the generosity or compassion of others.
One thing I know to be true, if you don’t make any effort, it’s likely others won’t either.
So when you find yourself in new surroundings, whether it’s in your own community or thousands of miles from “home”, here are a few tips to help you thrive.
Say Yes!
When I moved to my new city, I made that first friend because I said yes to bringing food for a team BBQ.
I said yes to making PBJ sandwiches once a week for the team. I said yes to prayer group. I said yes to bible study. I said yes to walks and coffee with anyone who asked.
I shudder to think of what would have happened if my tray of cheese had stayed home. It’d probably be rotten by now. As would I – from ruminating in self-pity and missing my friends.
Invite, instead of waiting to be invited!
In our previous community, we had loads of friends and social engagements, but in our new town, we knew precious few. Since we were making our kids step out of their comfort zone, my husband and I committed to set a good example for them by doing the same. That meant that we had to reach out to others instead of waiting for them to reach out to us.
We lived through “first dates” as we tried to make new friends…and the awkwardness that can come with it. We had gatherings at our house and invited anyone who showed even a remote interest in being our friend. (yes, we were desperate!)
I hosted a Christmas coffee to thank the women who had been kind and welcomed us with open arms. We brought fudge to our new neighbors who we’d never met before (despite the misconception that they should bring it to you!)
Slowly, ever so slowly, the new has become familiar and our brand new state has become home.
And this Wisconsin girl is happy to report, it all started with cheese.
What tips do you have for thriving in a new situation? Share with us in the comments. And be sure to share this post so others can benefit from the conversation!