2 Easy Ways to Strengthen your Marriage (and why I won’t see “50 Shades”)

I can hardly tolerate the insane amount of press the movie “50 Shades” is getting, or the record breaking number of people who are seeing it.  And I really didn’t want to waste my energy talking about something I believe has no positive value.  But, I do want to steer people toward truth.  And the value of good, lovely, pure, praiseworthy relationships and marriages.

I love the scripture that says, “whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” 1445425_97102626

In my estimation, this movie is none of those.

First, I want to tell you I never read the book, nor will I ever see the movie.   That was very intentional.  I don’t need to read it to be “culturally relevant.”  Thanks, anyway.   There are some things we should not fill our mind or heart with.  Ever.  There is enough dissatisfaction and hardship in the world without adding this type of fiction to it.

I DID read an excellent book by faith leaders and reputed authors, Dr. Juli Slattery (formerly of Focus on the Family) and Dannah Gresh, called “Pulling Back the Shades: Erotica, Intimacy and the Longings of a Woman’s Heart.”  I loved their focus on solid biblical truth, and their honest look at why women might find these topics interesting, or even arousing.  They address a woman’s 5 core longings and how you can be both sexual and spiritual.  (yes, I just said that!) It’s a very worthwhile read.

I also read Dr. Meg Meeker, renowned pediatrician’s blog post, which discusses how this movie crosses a line and negatively affects our children.  Definitely filled with truth.   And finally, Dr. Meeker posted on her site a great article by a psychiatrist, Dr. Miriam Grossman, MD, which had powerful insights based on her experience treating hurting people in her office who’ve faced sexual and emotional abuse in their real life.  And it’s not glamorous people…not one bit.

That’s my two cents about “50 Shades”.

Now, here’s my 10 cents about ways to strengthen your Marriage. 

I’ve been married for 22 years.  It’s not a perfect marriage, but we continue to strive to grow and protect it.  One investment we make in our marriage is to consciously focus on spending time alone together.  We do this several ways.

2 Hour Minimum Date

When your kids are little, the hardest thing to do is get away alone with your spouse. This is somewhat of a time issue.  When your kids are older, (and so are you!) the temptation after a long day is to click on the TV or light up that tablet or laptop, and escape to social media, netflix or to the latest You Tube sensation of the day.

Either way, it will require time and intentional effort to regularly date your spouse – away from the house together for more than 2 hrs.  Oh, and no movies, unless you’ve got more than 4 hrs slotted for your date.  This should be a time to be solely focused on your spouse.

We believe in a 2 hour minimum because it fosters meaningful communication.  After 2 hrs, you actually move away from “roommate talk” – calendars, to-do lists, kids, logistics – and move on to deeper topics.  This is where marriage building takes place.  Not in front of a movie screen with no conversation or in the mall amidst a throng of people.

Find Common Interests

We all know men and women are interested in different things.  Which why you will need to find and cultivate common interests.  My hubby likes to run, and I like to walk.  My hubby likes to work on cars, and I like to make scrapbooks.  But we both love to golf, hike and sail.  So we work to make time for those activities that bring us together.

My in laws have been married over 50 years.  One thing I admire most about their marriage is that they do things TOGETHER.   They play golf together, they go hiking together, they make stained glass together, they do house projects together, they volunteer together, they travel together.

In essence, they’ve found ways to do life together…not just in approximate distance to one another under the same roof.

They both have great friends and their own separate interests, but they have found balance.  And by doing life together and sharing common interests, they have knit together a marriage worth emulating.

[reminder]How can you make time this week to spend time alone with your spouse? [/reminder]

We cover this topic (and many more) in depth in our  “SAFEguarding Your Marriage” seminar, designed to help people discover the characteristics of healthy marriages and the investments it takes to get there.   We are presenting that in Albuquerque, NM on Saturday, February 28th from 6-9 p.m.  Visit our information page to learn more or sign up!